This isn't directed at anyone in particular, but hey, if the shoe fits and all that... Even if the shoe doesn't fit, it's paper season so this might be a nice refresher for everyone.

OK. I'm sooo sick of this crap.

Learn how to write, people!!!! "To" and "too" and "two" are not the same thing! "To" is a preposition as in "To which doohickey does this thingamajig attach?" if you speak Grammy's language or "To whom are you sending that>" It also denotes the infinitive of a verb, as in "to go" or, in context, "if you do not use grammar properly, I am going to put my boot up your ass." I'm not going to get bitchy about prepositions at the end of sentences, simply because I do that as well from time to time, but USE THE CORRECT WORD, DAMMIT! "Too" means "also," "as well," or "excessive(ly)." Simple as that. "I'm going to the game, too!" or "I will never have too much chocolate." "Two" is a number. Simple as that. Two = 2. Yay. 2+two=four. Easy. Stop. Fucking. It. Up. Or. I. Will.Need. To. Put. My. Two. Boots. Too. Far. Up. Your. Ass. For. You. To. Ever. Sit. Again. See? They're sooo easy to use properly! Start.... Now!

Since we're on the topic of homonyms... You're and Your. You're = You + Are. Similar to you're annoying me if you so happen to be one of the people this is aimed at. Your = that's your cookie. You own that cookie. That is your ass like these are my boots. My boots are a wonderful teaching tool. Its is not the same as it's. Its is like your and whose. It means "that belongs to it." "I'm spending money on its repairs," would be appropriate when referring to the traumatic hemorrhage that is my car. It's = it + is. "It's fucking cold out." See? It's easy.

Now, a HUGE pet peeve of mine: APOSTROPHES. Say it how you will; I don't care. Call them flying commas; I do. Plurality is not denoted by use of these things: ' or " or "' or any other combination of little flying commas you choose to use! "Dad's" does not mean two or more fathers! It means "that thing there belongs to Dad." They denote possession! And not the devil taking someone over, either. The ownership kind. Kinda like saying "That cookie is mine," but instead saying that it is, in fact, Kenny's. Not that I ever share cookies. See, the "cookies" thing does not have an apostrophe. It is plural and doesn't own anything. A group of something owning something else is denoted thus: Those toys are my sisters'. Apostrophe after the plural noun in possession of whatever the hell they own. There is also the "0bject + is = object's" use, like this: My boot's going to (insert whatever you'd like here). Too easy. Start getting it right. It's really, really, really not hard!!!

Next: Who vs Whom. Using Whom incorrectly makes you sound like a fucking idiot. If you can replace it with he, she or I, USE WHO!!!! If you can replace it with him, her or me, use whom. Again, "Who is that?" is correct. "Whom is that?" will result in your ass being introduced to my boots. Catching the common thread here? "To whom does this belong?" Correct. "To who does this belong?" Boot up the ass.

Whose vs who's... Just as easy as the rest of this stuff. Whose is possessive. "Whose is that?" Who's = who + is. "Who's that?" So hard to get it wrong...

Semicolons. Not a colon, not a comma; it's not Superman either. It's like "whom." Use it wrong and you look like a moron. It takes the place of a comma-conjunction joining a compound sentence. I want a cookie; i don't know what kind. I don't know why people don't get this; it is fairly simple, and it's really, really annoying.

More homonyms: know vs no. NO, I do not KNOW quantum mechanics. No is a negative response. Know means you're aware of something. Easy, right?


Now, I use crappy shorthand all the time in my class notes. Two, too and to all become 2. You're and your become ur; people turn into ppl... That's notes, not things I want other people to see. Papers, letter and most of my writing in reality are written properly. My journal, not that it matters to any of you, varies between very lovely prose and absolute shit grammar. It all depends on how bad my wrists are that day.

Take home messages: I'm not usually a bitch about it, but poor grammar annoys the hell out of me, aaand if you ever need anything proofread, ask. I catch almost everything and you can pay in chocolate, hugs or credit when you get a better grade than if you hadn't let me proof it.